At Least 101 ways to screw up a Perfectly good car…

At Least 101 ways to screw up a Perfectly good car…

By Kirk Gerbracht, and me

We understand and respect that everyone is entitled their taste, be that for architecture, wine, movies, music and of course cars.  But some stuff is just so stupid it warrants a hard critical look.  These are photos we’ve gathered up over the years, often with shaking heads.  You can agree with our opinions, or not, either of which is fine, but just thought we’d pass it all along for your review and consideration.  Or lack of consideration.  Enjoy….Matt & Kirk

You can doubleclick on any image to see it full screen (if you date) in hi res

This ‘50s porthole Buick would be a nice car as a restored classic.  And we understand the whole Dare to be Different mantra, but up to you to decide if it makes a nice El Bu-mino or not.

Porsche 996s and 997s are nice cars, and can be cranked up to make more power than this Chevy LS1.  Not sure what the weight differential is here between the V-8 and the Porsche H-6, but if the Chevy is heavier, then it’s a bad thing.  The only time this makes any sense at all is if the original motor ate itself over the dreaded Intermediate Shaft Bearing failure scenario.  We’ll at least give this guy/car credit for a neat, clean install.

We understand the whole “patina” and “barnfind” movements, but this delicious little Alfa Romeo Sprint Zagato deserves to be in outstanding, concours condition rather than wearing a cheap beat up paint job, mismatched wheels, and masking tape holding its headlight covers on (or attempting to water seal them). Just Wrong for a very Right car.

First Gen VW vans were never great stable handlers to begin with but cutting down the wheelbase this far certainly didn’t make it any better.  If you really want a HOT WHEELS VW van, you can buy one for a dollar or two.  OK the trailer and baby sized model are cute, but gak!  This level of workmanship on the restoration of a stock size Type 2 would have made it cool, valuable, and desirable.

We love Alfa Spyders, and sorry, but everything about this is Just Wrong.

We respect that this well abused Touring bodied Hudson Italia may be a restoration work in progress, or a restoration given up on and now for sale, but it never should have gotten to this point in the first place.

We understand that replacing the 3.0-liter V-12 in this Ferrari 250GTE won’t be inexpensive, but this builder spent a ton of money building a car that won’t appeal to Big-block Chevy guys or Ferrari enthusiasts…and they just killed any value this car had left to anyone.  Sure it’s fast, but it’s ugly, and who will he sell it to when he’s done doing burnouts?

Maybe this guy knows the person who built the Buick El Bu-mino noted above.  I know the guy who owns this car now (but didn’t build) and he’s a very cool guy and a great enthusiast who fancies the strange.  Gotta be the only El Camino inspired Citroen DS, replete with vintage surfboards on the deck, in the world.  Or at least any world that we are aware of. Strange concept, but curvy metal work is impressive.

Based on the sign in the window, we’ll guesstimate that the current owner didn’t abuse this rare Shelby into this condition, and can only hope that by now, six years later, that this GT350H is beautifully and authentically restored.

Hmmm…John DeLorean worked hard and invested a lot to give his DMC-12 a rust proof and easy to maintain stainless steel skin, then some yahoo paints it pink.  Oy!

We understand that some Corvette owners like to customize their ride, but this one wears every out-of-date trick in the book.  That said, it was clean and immaculately detailed and the dated workmanship looked pretty well done.  Mullet anyone?

“Go Boy Racer” or did it used to be Speed Racer.  Nope – Boy.

Lovely car and a pretty well done build.  But more weight and the need to add radiators.  So, why?

Enough with the Chevy powered 911s already, please?

We understand the appeal of a Baja Buggy bodykit, but how many machines guns are really needed?

Not Cobras.  Nor fooling anyone here.

Nothing will make a Boxster into a Carrera GT.  Seriously, nothing.

The lower front spoiler of this hapless Viper advertises a company called “StickerCity.”  No kidding.

Everybody knows you never mix mustard and ketchup on your hot dog.  Meaning someone spent a ton of dough to ruin this lovely Ferrari 599 GTB.

We support any Fight Breast Cancer initiative, but is Pepto Bismol on a very expensive Bentley GTC a known cure?

We’re amazed at how many home fenderbeaters believe they can outdesign Pininfarina on the bodywork of a Ferrari.

When is Too Cute, just Too Cute?

There used to be a nice Austin-Healey under here somewhere.

Looks like The Sons of Anarchy or Mad Max captured this poor Ranchero.

The original idea of rat rods was to cleverly scrounge and use whatever parts you had on hand or could use, not to dream of ways to bolt stupid things onto a car just for the sake of depravity, discomfort, poor performance, and a lack of safety.

This restomoded ’57 T-Bird custom is beautifully built and finished, but you can decide for yourself if the modern billet wheels, much later headrest seats, and the fuelie 5.0 V-8 engine swap are to your taste or not.  We’ll give them credit at least for sticking with a Ford engine, instead of the too often Chevy or Caddy swap.

There’s so much wrong with this LSD fuelled Cobra kit that the internet doesn’t have enough room to list it all.

Unlike so many of the vehicles in this post, this could once again be a nice car…some Goof-Off gum and glue remover, patience, and a good detail job should do it.